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Anger.
Anger is a very common feeling. Quite often it’s the only emotion clients really know well. Anger comes fast, is difficult to regulate and can turn into many things: rage, aggression or insults.
Most of the executives I coach have been told, one way or another, that anger is unprofessional and should have “no place in you or the company”.
So they do one of two things:
1. When they blow up, they regret it and feel guilty or ashamed.
2. Or they swallow it and let it leak out sideways.
Both options are emotionally and energetically expensive. Though, there's a third option.
Let's start.
Today at a Glance
➡️ Why venting and swallowing both backfire
➡️ The NeuroScience Behind Managing Anger
➡️ How I coach Managing Anger
Why Venting and Swallowing both backfire
So, what is Anger?
Underneath the heat, anger is a signal that something you value is being crossed. You are likely strongly bothered about a perceived injustice.
As you might know very well - this might happen quite often during your week. Let’s look at the two most common options to regulate anger:
1. Venting. It feels honest and so right in the moment. But, blowing off steam rehearses the anger instead of releasing it.
2. Swallowing. It might feel mature at first. Though, this move just relocates the cost — to your body and your memory. In the end the anger very likely will not vanish. It compounds.
In the end, both tools mislead you and generate costs.
Here's the reframe I give clients: anger is a smoke detector, not a fire alarm you're obligated to obey.
It tells you a line that matters to you was crossed. That's useful information. The mistake is letting the detector's volume decide your response.
The NeuroScience Behind Managing Anger
Venting doesn't drain anger — it trains it. The old "let it out" theory is wrong: people who vented after being provoked became more aggressive, not calmer (Bushman, 2002, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin).
Suppression is the expensive way to stay calm. Biting it back keeps you outwardly composed but raises your physiological load and worsens what you remember of the moment; reappraising the situation costs less and works better (Gross & John, 2003; Richards & Gross, 2000, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology).
Anger is an approach emotion, aimed at a goal. Unlike fear, it pushes you toward the thing, not away — the mind flagging a blocked value or a crossed boundary (Carver & Harmon-Jones, 2009, Psychological Bulletin). That's data worth reading.
Key Takeaways
The wave of an emotion is short — often around 90 seconds.
What stretches it out is the story you keep retelling.
You can't stop the wave, but you don't have to feed it.
The reset is a skill: learnable in one breath!
How I Coach Managing Anger
#1: Contain, contain, contain — buy the 90 seconds.
Pause, lengthen your exhale, and name the feeling precisely. What is really going on? Is it anger (a perceived injustice)? Are you scared (perceiving a threat)? Anxious (worried about an uncertain outcome)?
#2: Decode — find what it protects.
Ask: What value, need, or boundary was crossed? Reduce the answer to one phrase — respect, fairness, autonomy, clarity, or protecting your team.
#3: Direct — turn it into a request.
Say what you need instead of delivering a verdict: "Please tell me when the plan changes," not "You never keep me informed."
Regulate the heat. Read the signal. Make the request.
That's it for this Saturday — and that's a wrap on September.
The next edition comes out Saturday, the 3rd of October 2026, opening a fresh theme for the new month.
Own it!
Yours,
Moritz
PS:
Meet Moritz!
Can you rarely make time for physical activity or regeneration?
Do youI feel emotionally unstable and have difficulties to stay calm under pressure?
Is managing people emotionally and energetically draining for you?
If that sounds familiar, Mastering Emotions is for you. I began coaching in 2023. Since then, l've coached over 30 executives, entrepreneurs, and high potentials on building Emotional Intelligence and into becoming future leaders.
If you want to learn more about my coaching book an orientation call here:
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